An Open Letter to my Friends who Talk Bad About Their Husbands: Why I Love You, But Can’t Hang Out with You any more.

Dear Friend, This is really, really hard for me to do, but I have to tell you why I can’t hang out with you anymore. I get that marriage is hard. I do. I’ve fought with my husband (remember, when we got married, we had teenagers, so we had plenty to “discuss” those first years of marriage,) disagreed with him, and sometimes (OK, many times) not been the wife I needed to be. But here’s the thing: I want to do better. I want to be the wife that my husband needs. I want to speak well of him and to him. I want to improve, a little bit, everyday. And when I’m around you, it’s hard. I feel like, because you are throwing your husband under the bus, you want me to throw my husband right under there as well. I will not have the kinds of conversations that make men the butt of the joke, because not only am I married to a man, but I have boys I want to respect as men as well. I will not agree with how awful your husband is because I don’t know his side of the story. I will not laugh at TV or movies that feature the guys as “Doofus Dads”. I will not let you bait me into bashing husbands, yours or mine. I’m sorry if this seems like a unexpected change up – like I’m changing to rules of our relationship. But that uncomfortable laugh that I make when you put down your husband? Gone. From now on, I’m speaking up. It’s not OK to talk about any man like that in my presence. Ever. Now don’t get me wrong. If you want me to pray for the tough time you’re going through, if you want to cry on my shoulder and have me recommend books on how you can improve your relationship, I will bring the coffee, milk chocolate and password to my Amazon account. I am there for you friend. But if you only want to complain, and not let God make a miracle out of your marriage, I need to step away. Because I need to be with women who support the men in their life. I want to surround myself with women who are not perfect wives, but will inspire me to be the wife that follows God and blesses her husband out of the overflow of that relationship with God. So if you want to be that kind of girl – come on over to my house. But if not, I’m going to need to bow out. I know that God wants more for you than what you have now. I’ll be here when you want that cup of coffee.

BirthDay Note To Our First Daughter

Dearest Chioma, In the past year I’ve watched you with bated breath, surprise, and admiration interspersed with a few twinges of disappointment. Watching you mothering the twins is like watching a daily movie reel of my own triumphs and failures of parenting. It's like a daily reminder of what I could have, should have, would have, done! I can honestly say that I am proud to see you doing it better. I know that being a young single mom isn’t easy and the road you’ve chosen isn’t paved with gold. The rewards aren’t forthcoming and accolades aren’t doled out like ecstasy at a rave. As your Mom I always want to fix things but I also know you must Live and Learn. I don't expect you not to make any mistakes but I DO expect you to learn from them, move forward, and elevate yourself to the next level. For your 23 rd year I bestow these prayers on you. They are powerful and invaluable so they can't be squandered. I pray that you will continue to do your best to be boys mommy. They loves you so much and you’re both blessed to have each others. I pray that you grow, mature, and rise above the broken pieces of your heart; for when those pieces are rebuilt a stronger one emerges with more resilience and wisdom. I pray that you will always strive to excel in ALL your endeavors, challenging yourself to become a better version of yourself. I pray that you will find the balance of being a responsible Mom with enjoying Life. I don’t expect you to play it safe all the time or not take risks. I pray that Fear has no hold on you and that it doesn’t asphyxiate the boldness of your dreams. It’s okay to take the unconventional path as long as you don’t get mired in complacency. I pray that your mind will open to the truth of this world and that your eyes see clearly the lies you’ve been told. Freedom is not of this world. I pray that you don't lost your sense of humor during those moments of insanity, frustration, and hopelessness. I pray that you will see and listen to boy’s love, spirit, character, insecurities, voice, and tears with a discerning heart so that you will speak blessings over them and build them up. Protect and guide them always. And lastly, I pray that yours and they boy’s hearts will always align with the Father who knew and created you. If you seek Him always, your darkness will always have sunlight, the storms will eventually turn to tranquil waters, and despair will transform to hope. Happy Godly Birthday. Mom&dad